A single incident had a lasting impact
“I feel like it led to a really long period of time where he was terrified of not having a toilet that he could access. And this whole thing about locking toilets, not letting children go to the toilet, really bugs me.”
The incident marked the beginning of severe anxiety. Any time they got in the car, they would really panic about needing the toilet, and attending school became increasingly difficult as they wouldn’t travel by bus for fear of getting stuck in traffic.
As their anxiety grew, their behaviour at school changed. They experienced periods of school refusal, was repeatedly suspended, and struggled to engage with learning. One suspension coincided with the two days that Ofsted were there. Throughout this time, their parent believed the behaviour reflected distress rather than anything else.
Despite the school’s behaviour policy stating that they would look into reasons for the child’s behaviour, nothing was ever done. Throughout High School, the child stated they struggled to concentrate. There were only one or two teachers that they really got on with.
“xxx couldn’t adjust their behaviour because that whole environment was so totally toxic”
After leaving school, they sought an assessment for themselves, and their GP sent them down the right to choose route and was diagnosed with ADHD.
Despite the challenges, the story has a positive ending. After moving to college, they had a brilliant time, in a hands-on physical subject. They have left college and is now working in a job they enjoy.
“now xxx is back to being the person I knew they were; now they’re not in that environment any more, it was a complete shift”
Why this matters
This experience highlights the importance of schools providing children with timely access to toilets, recognising how policies can affect children’s physical and emotional wellbeing, and understanding that changes in behaviour may be a sign of unmet need rather than simply poor behaviour.
For this family, the consequences of one preventable incident lasted for years. They hope that by sharing their experience, other children will be spared the same distress.
“I don’t want other children to go through what xxx went through.”
